11 June 2015
11 Secrets of Irresistible People
Author: Dr. Travis Bradberry / President at TalentSmart / Linkedin Article Wednesday June 10, 2015
Some people, regardless of what they lack—money, looks, or social connections—always radiate with energy and confidence. Even the most skeptical individuals find themselves enamored with these charming personalities.
These people are the life of every party. They're the ones you turn to for help, advice, and companionship.
You just can'tget enough of them, and they leave you asking yourself, "What do they have that I don't? What makes them so irresistible?"
The difference? Their sense of self-worth comes from within.
Irresistible people aren’tconstantly searching for validation, because they’re confident enough to find it in themselves. There are certain habits they pursue every day to maintain this healthy perspective.
Since being irresistible isn’tthe result of dumb luck, it’stime to study the habits of irresistible people so that you can use them to your benefit.
Get ready to say “hello” to a new, more irresistible you.
1. They Treat EVERYONE With Respect
Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order, irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They understand that—no matter how nice they are to the person they’re having lunch with—it’sall for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else. Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe they’re no better than anyone else.
2. They Follow The Platinum Rule
The Golden Rule—treat others as you want to be treated—has a fatal flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention.
The Platinum Rule—treat others as they want to be treated—corrects that flaw. Irresistible people are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style to make others feel comfortable.
3. They Ditch The Small Talk
There’sno surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk. When you robotically approach people with small talk this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you. Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short, every day conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they’re told to other important facets of the speaker’slife.
4. They Focus On People More Than Anything Else
Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them. As a result, they don’tspend much time thinking about themselves. They don’tobsess over how well they’re liked, because they’re too busy focusing on the people they’re with. It’swhat makes their irresistibility seem so effortless.
To put this habit to work for you, try putting down the smart phone and focusing on the people you’re with. Focus on what they’re saying, not what your response will be, or how what they’re saying will affect you. When people tell you something about themselves, follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more.
5. They Don’t Try Too Hard
Irresistible people don’tdominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It’snot that they’re resisting the urge to brag. The thought doesn’teven occur to them because they know how unlikeable people are who try too hard to get others to like them.
6. They Recognize The Difference Between Fact And Opinion
Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise. They don’tshrink from sharing their opinions, but they make it clear that they’re opinions, not facts. Whether discussing global warming, politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO foods, irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are see things differently.
7. They Are Authentic
Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn up energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they’ll do next. They do this because they know that no one likes a fake.
People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them. It’seasy to resist someone when you don’tknow who they really are and how they really feel.
8. They Have Integrity
People with high integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk, plain and simple. Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate integrity every day, irresistible people follow through, they avoid talking bad about other people, and they do the right thing, even when it hurts.
9. They Smile
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to find you irresistible, smile at them during conversations and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.
10. They Make An Effort To Look Their Best (Just Not Too Much Of An Effort)
There’s a massive difference between being presentable and being vain. Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look your best is comparable to cleaning your house before company comes—it’s a sign of respect for others. But once they’ve made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it.
11. They Find Reasons To Love Life
Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They’re never bored, because they see life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that other people want to be a part of.
It’snot that irresistible people don’thave problems—even big ones—but they approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day, and they keep hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better.
Bringing It All Together
Irresistible people did not have fairy godmothers hovering over their cribs. They’ve simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own.
They think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make other people feel liked, respected, understood, and seen. Just remember: the more you focus on others, the more irresistible you’ll be.
What other qualities make people irresistible? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.
Dr. Bradberry / Linkedin Article Comment / John Luther / Thursday June 11, 2015
Thanks Doc. Very good article, and it is easy for me to see that it is in line with the fact that if we align our heart - mind and soul with those evident in God, we will value people and relationships more than anything on this earth. I have been practicing this concentrated effort for the last 8 months to a year, and believe me, there is an inherent reward. See The Bible - Luke 9:23.
I can not imagine that the Golden Rule (our company Mission Statement) has has "a fatal flaw": assuming "that all people want to be treated the same way", as much as a practice of The Golden Rule would include diligence in the goal of understanding the way others want to be treated, and thereby eliminating as much assumption and error as possible.
Wisdom and consequent success is available, much like the statement of Albert Einstein, "I do not so much teach my students, as I provide an opportunity for them to learn. The results are determined by their response."